Life will change in an instant...

For a lot of men, there comes a point in your life, when people tell you that life will change forever and that things will never be the same again, they are right. It won’t. Life will change in an instant. For you are about to become a Daddy, and it is the best thing in the world.

From the day your partner tells you the news, to the agonising wait for the first scan, and then every week leading up to the birth, you may feel levels of anxiety that you may not have felt before. You may question your life choices to date and whether you are actually ready for the next chapter in your life.  You shouldn’t because you are ready. 

You may have doubts over your income, and whether your maturity levels are acceptable of that of a soon to be father.  Income can rise over time but you may always stay an immature kid at heart, but that wont make you a bad Dad. Your partner will be full of knowledge, and you may wonder what the f**k is going on not knowing a thing. But rest assured you will not be the first in feeling that way, and that you will be surprised at what will come naturally.

In order to not feel like you know nothing like Jon Snow, you may decide to do some reading beforehand. You will find that books will either be very educational, or overly blokeish and laddy, trying to be comical. Depending on the style that works for you, it can certainly be beneficial to get some reading in, just so that things aren’t a total mystery to you. For a nice easy read, I recommend The Expectant Dads Survival Guide.

The attention will be solely on your Mrs from the time you announce the pregnancy (usually after your 12 week scan) and you need to accept that. You have done your job. Let her have her time to shine. Your job from here on is to be her support, learn your stuff, and make sure things are as stress free as possible. You simply need to do the right thing and be there for her. Make the most of her and enjoy eachother. My only main advice for parents to- be, is to make the most of the time you have as a couple. Because before you know it, you will be part of a treble (or more!), and taking babies to spa breaks, romantic weekends away, theatre and the cinema is sort of frowned upon. Get the date nights in before bubba arrives. 

Because once baby is here, a night out together will be a thing of the past. :(

When the time arrives and your baby is enroute, it is time for you to really step up. Your bags should have been packed, pram & car seat should be in the car, the route to hospital should be planned and it is now your time to shine. My tip would be to download the parking app (if there is one for your hospital) to save yourself time paying in the car park. Once inside, you will need to stay calm and supportive, and communicate clearly with the medical staff and family members texting and calling for updates every few minutes.

Understand your partners wishes in advance, but be prepared for any birthing plans etc to get thrown out of the window if things go a certain way. Despite the sheer confusion and panic which you may feel, your partner needs you now, and needs you to step up and be there. Brace yourself to feel totally helpless when things start happening. There is nothing you can do, and you should not think that you know best. You don’t. The professional medical staff do. They will have delivered hundreds of babies. You probably haven’t even watched a full episode of ‘One Born Every Minute’ - let them do their jobs, and stay out of the way.

Your partner will need you. You will hold her hand, you will stroke her hair, you will tell her how well she is doing and most above all, you will offer positive encouragement.  You will see her going through agony that you cannot even fathom, and you will see her in a totally different light than you ever have before. Before you know it, things will be in full swing and baby will be minutes away from being born. The staff will be in and out of the room, and you may feel like everything has gone a little surreal.

When my son was born, he had to be delivered promptly due to his heart rate dropping. I had no idea at this point what the hell was going on, but I knew that my Mrs needed me, and I needed to be calm, despite my own heart rate going through the roof. The midwives, doctors and other staff are yelling their encouragement, and readying themselves for the arrival. “Three pushes Katie, your baby needs to be out in three pushes” is something I will remember for my whole life.

Everything seemed a blur. There were screams, there were things I saw that can not be unseen, there was anxiety and there was fear.

And then he was out. And he was crying. 

It was 16:12 on March 13^th 2015 and he was here. I was a Daddy.

After controlling my bottom lip and wiping the tears from my eyes, I kissed my partner and told her how amazing she had done, and how much I loved her. Before I know it, my top was off and I am holding my son on my chest, skin to skin, with his little eyes looking up at me, feeling the warmest, proudest, most emotional I have ever been in my life. At that moment I promised him that I would do everything I ever can to make him have the happiest most fulfilled life that I possibly can. 

In those moments, I graduated from being a 30year old boy, to becoming a 30year old man. Life had certainly changed.  The room cleared, and it was just the three of us. My family. I looked out of window, with my son in my arms, and as clichéd as it seems, I told him the world was his, and that he would bring much love and happiness to many people in it. 

That evening he met his grandparents, and by midnight I was told to leave by the midwives. Despite my protests, they assured me that my partner and son were in good hands. And I trusted them. They had brought him into the world safely and looked after my partner when she needed them. Despite still feeling today that I should have stayed with them on the ward, in hindsight I was so grateful that I went home and had a full nights sleep. That drive home was something I will never forget. I was in a state of shock. I was up at 6am, having not moved in my bed all night, and I returned to the hospital for the first real day of parenting. We were lucky to be allowed home within 24hours of his birth. 

And it is then that the realisation kicks in. You are now parents, and this little baby is relying on you for everything.

My advice is simple, if people offer help, say yes. Even if that means simple things like bringing you dinner, or doing your washing etc. Let them. If family members want to sit with the baby to allow you to get some sleep, do it. Make the most of the help offered.

Two weeks paternity will fly by, and soon you will be back at work. Don’t expect a big song and dance. You aren’t the one who has given birth, so after the initial welcome back chats, you will be expected to be pulling your weight in the workplace. You will then go home after work and be expected to take over parental duties. The place may be a pig sty, but know that your mrs has been non stop at home looking after your baby.   

If you are like me, you will no longer yearn to be out with the boys every weekend, as the little bundle of joy in your arms will have stolen your heart, and will be the sole focus in your life, but make sure you get time in the diary to see your friends and have some time for you. Just as your partner will need time for herself too if possible.

People will tell you to get your sleep in advance of the birth, as if it is something that can be stockpiled. The truth is that you and your partner will be shattered beyond belief. It is how you manage the tiredness and communication between each other in these moments of sheer exhaustion which will be important. My partner and I made a deal, that anything that was said in a heated argument at 3am would be forgotten by sunrise. You are not you, when you are tired. She will not be her usual self when she is tired either. Let it go and move on.

Life will have changed, but it will have changed for the better. The fun will have started, but I promise, there is so much more to come. There will be highs, and there will be lows. Especially when your baby keeps eye contact with you the whole time they are straining to poop. However the love and pride you will feel will be like nothing you have ever experienced. Cherish every moment, as they are not babies for long!

It's a f**cked up world that we live in...

Yesterday I asked myself and colleagues around me a question – are we, as the social media generation, desensitised from shocking and gratuitous violence?  I think as a majority, we probably are. Well I certainly am. And in my opinion that is down to the way coverage is shared via social media.

I have various forms of social media, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram. Each serves its own purpose. When I learnt of the shooting of Alton Sterling, I logged into my Twitter account. With literally a few keyboard strokes, I saw video footage of two murders on my Twitter feed. It saddened me, but I certainly wasn’t shocked and moved to a new level of emotion that I probably should have been. And I blame that, not on movies and video games. But the sharing of REAL time news on social media.

The two separate videos were the murders of two black men by US police officers. I used the term murder as in my opinion that is what it was. No doubt about it in my mind. No other term is required or can be justified. The officers that killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile murdered them. 

The police officers seemed to be a fit of rage and hysteria in the aftermath of pulling that trigger. It was almost as if the gun in their hand and uniform on their body gave them a sense of power that they were invincible, and as soon as the sound of the bullets leaving the chamber stopped ringing in their ears, they snapped into an understanding of what would happen to them from now on. 

Their lives will be turned upside down and those of their families. The split second it took to murder those men will impact those around them forever. But that is nothing in comparison for those who lost someone in that action. Children will never have their daddy back, and that is unacceptable. The US police needs to seriously review the types of people they are hiring, as they are engaging their firearms before engaging their brains. 

This morning I woke and the top trend on Twitter was #Dallas. When you see a place name trending, you know something bad has happened. And it has. In what appears to have been an organised revenge attack on police officers, resulting in eleven officers shot, five killed, and an unconfirmed number of members of the public have been shot at a #BlackLivesMatter protest in the city. Once again, events have been captured on film, and shared online. In one video which has been shared virally, we have seen the execution of one officer, who was killed doing his job. And again I wasn’t shocked. The cold hearted execution of a police officer doing his job should have moved me. But we have seen it before. 

But yesterday isn’t the first time that we have witnessed such atrocities, and certainly won’t be the last. But in recent times, I have learnt about these incidents via Twitter and Facebook. In the past weeks we have seen the mass murder in the Orlando nightclub, and although mass footage didn’t come out, individual messages and heartbreak were shared internationally on social media.

In August last year, videos flooded social media of the murders of news reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward. These videos had been filmed and released by the killer himself. The videos were shared instantly and spread like wild fire globally. They became viral. Millions of people saw the horrified look on Alison Parker's face as she literally stared down the barrel of a gun. Whether they wanted to or not. The image was shared and publisized around the world.

In yesterday’s murders, the attack in Dallas, and the murder of the news team last summer, we have witnessed someone taking human life without thought or compassion. We have seen the last moments of someone’s life, and in some videos even seen their last breath.  

And although truly heart-breaking when you think of the impact of the action upon the individuals, loved ones, families, friends, co-workers etc, we as members of the social community still share the videos on social media, with no thought of who may see it. 

Acts of violence, murder and terror attacks are part of the world we live in, but we have a duty to share the news responsibly. Social media gives everyone a voice, but in my opinion we have a responsibility about how we use that voice. There is an argument that people can share the truth on social media, the truth as it happens, compared to a filtered and censored version we may often get from the media news outlets.

We are a generation who have been brought up on violent movies, violent video games and global atrocities being shown on our screens. We are a generation who know that gratuitous violence is just a few clicks away should we want to see it. We are also a generation who have been brought up with modern cameras, smart phones, body worn cameras and live streaming. When something shocking happens, you will often see a crowd of people with their phones out filming the activity. The ability to film what is actually happening is there to prove the actions that are occurring,  which has never been more evident than in the murder of Philando Castille, who’s partner filmed and broadcasted live on Facebook the aftermath of the Police officer opening fire on him after he reached for his driving licence. In that ten minute Facebook live video, we saw the moment he passed away and her remarkable calmness and willingness to comply with the officer, as the officer seemed to become hysterical. 

Desensitization to a subject suggests a lower level of emotion in response to something you have witnessed. 

I would describe myself as an emotive and passionate person, yet with all of the things I have seen recently, with the additions of coverage of huge events over the years such as: 7/7, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Columbine, and not to mention the countless violent or abusive videos random Facebook friends have liked or shared, I would certainly say that I view things with a lower level of emotion towards them, compared to how I would have felt in days before social media. I am sure I am not alone in feeling that way. 

I seem to be tweeting the same thing quite often now days : "Its a fucked up world we live in."

My thoughts and condolences go out to the families of all of the people who have lost their lives in recent events. RIP.

2016 - The Dark year for much loved Celebs...

Despite the year only approaching its fifth month, we have already lost many much loved stars and personalities. 2016 had already seen the passing of global stars such as pop-star David Bowie, actor Alan Rickman, and arguably Europe’s best ever footballer Johann Cruyff. Whilst here in the UK, icons such as Sir Terry Wogan, Ronnie Corbett and Victoria Wood have also lost brave battles with illness.

Prince, live in Abu Dhabi 2010

Yesterday a true global icon passed away aged just 57. Prince, was a superstar, whose music touched millions. He inspired a generation, and his music will live forever. I was lucky enough to watch him perform live in Abu Dhabi in 2010, at the closing party for the Formula 1 Grand Prix. He performed for over three hours, embracing the crowd with three encores, inviting 50 fans onto the stage to dance with him, and giving the thousands in attendance a night they would never forget. His passing, similar to David Bowie’s in January has led to their back catalogue of albums and singles storming back to the top of the music charts, bringing their music to a new generation of fans.

The BBC have reported that nearly double the number of obituaries have been used at this stage in a year, than in previous years. Almost five times the number from this time four years ago.

It is interesting to know, that major broadcast produce obituaries in advance of people dying. There is a catalogue of obituaries which are updated accordingly over the years, in advance of someone passing away. According to a BBC article, they have 1500 obituaries on file, waiting for the celebrity, sports star, politician, or even member of the Royal family to pass away, so that they can run the footage if the sad news breaks.

But why has 2016 been such a dark year in terms of much loved people passing away? There have been various articles and news pieces in recent days, and it raises some very interesting points.

Firstly, the rise of popular culture in the 1960s and the arrival of the television in most households lead to more people becoming famous. Back then, if you became a star, you would be in front of an audience of millions. It launched the start of celebrity as we know it. In the UK for an example, a popular light entertainment show could attract 18million viewers on a Saturday night. In that pre internet, pre social media, pre YouTube generation, if you were on television, you would become a genuine house hold name, instead of the Z-listers we have forced down our throats nowadays.

Secondly, the people who became icons in the 1960’s or 1970’s are now in their 70s and 80s and simply starting to die, as is common for us all as humans. It certainly helps that the boom in people becoming famous had led to higher figures. There are simply more famous people than there used to be. Many of these people were born in the post WW2 era, where the population grew due to the famous baby boom. With more babies born in the baby boom, at the same time where these babies grew into the age of the launch of television and pop culture, more and more people became famous.

Thirdly, various reports state that we, as the social media generation, are highlighting and spreading the word of more deaths than ever before. We post #RIP messages about people and share our stories or our pictures of said celebrity, which we probably learned of their passing via social media. In the old days, you wouldn’t find out that someone had passed unless they were important enough to make it on to the evening news, or in a newspaper obituary column. 

This image titled 'Dear Cancer...' went viral after the passing of three global stars. Motorhead front man Lemmy, David Bowie and Alan Rickman

We as this current generation, have grown up watching these older figures, and have formed an affinity to them. Alan Rickman for example was, to me, The Sheriff of Nottingham in one of my favourite movies, Robin Hood – Prince of Thieves. As I mentioned, Prince was one of the best gigs I have ever seen. Sir Terry Wogan was a UK television and radio legend who I watched every year for Children In Need. As a boy I learnt the ‘Cruyff turn’ from very early football training sessions inspired by the Dutch football icon’s signature move. David Bowie to me, was the actor in Labrynth, which was the last film my Grandfather ever worked on, who referred to Bowie as the ‘young rock star’ despite Bowie approaching his 40^th birthday when they made the film. I didn’t become a fan of his music until much later in life. When each of these people died, I, like thousands of others, wrote our own words on social media to pay our respects.

As the year rolls on, there is a huge chance that we will continue to lose many much loved stars. But that is life, and life goes on. Death waits for no man. It is just such a shame when we lose someone we care about. 

Top to bottom (L-R) Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Denise Robertson, Sir Terry Wogan, Victoria Wood, Ronnie Corbett

David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Sir Terry Wogan, Lemmy, Johann Cruyff, Harper Lee, Sir George Martin, Paul Daniels, Ronnie Corbett, David Gest, Chyna, Victoria Wood, Prince and all of the others who I haven’t mentioned. #RIP