The End of Maternity Leave...

Today marks the last day of my partner’s maternity leave. To most people without kids, it simply means that this is the last day of her year off of work. But to her, and to other mothers like her, it is a day that they have been dreading since the baby arrived in the world.

For the past twelve months, she has been the primary care giver to our young son. She has spent every waking and many sleeping hours at his every noise, need and movement. She has nursed him, cared for him, cried for him, cried with him, been his doctor, loved him unconditionally and given him every ounce of her being. Yet for her, the hardest part of it all, is that from next Monday, the responsibility is to be shared out with other people. 

Our son will attend nursery one day per week, and will be looked after by his grandmothers for one day each. Although my partner is only back to work part time, there is a definite anxiety on her behalf, that I am sure is shared by all new mothers returning to work. I assume that it is facing up to the realisation that our son will be influenced by other people in the days, weeks and months to come, and that she will not be there for him 24/7 as she has been for the past year.

From my perspective, as a father, I can say that maternity leave has been tough. I wish I could have been around more, but only getting two weeks off of work when he was born, has meant I am used to leaving the house before dark, to return for when he is crying and ready for bed. I got used to only having time with him either as soon as I woke up for five minutes before getting ready for work, or at night time when I feed him his bottle and lay him down to sleep. Main quality time comes at the weekend. It is sad, but I have had to get used to it.  I have taken the full financial burden during this time, and wanted my partner to fully focus on our son. I was happy when my partner decide to only go back to work part time, as I wanted her to be heavily involved in our sons life. My mother didn’t work for 18 years when my sister and I were children, and in an ideal world, if it was her choice, I wouldn’t want my partner to have to work either. But unfortunately we are not in that financial position. I have not exerted any pressure to return to work, and we accept that money will continue to be tight as we move forward.

It has been tough to see her go through so many emotions during the twelve months. He has various allergies, intolerances, and since he was born it has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and my partner has handled everything in her stride. She is scared that she is losing him. But in reality is she simply sharing him, allowing him to continue to grow, develop and learn.

Our son is so curious to the world around him. He has developed into a cheeky, happy, healthy, inquisitive, funny, caring and loving little boy, who is bringing so much happiness to those around him. We are extremely blessed and fortunate. I will be forever grateful for all of the things that my partner has done during these twelve months. Truth be told, I would have been lost without her.

To my Kate,

 Thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do to looking after us all. We will get through the next few weeks, and things will seem normal again in no time. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are an amazing Mum. Your colleagues will be glad to have you back, and your clients can hear all about how amazing our baby boy is.

I know that these next few weeks will be full of anxiety, fear, and a longing to be back with our boy. I am aware that Sunday night will feel like the first day back at school multiplied by a thousand. I know that Monday will be one of the hardest days you will have had. But know that our boy will be there waiting for you when you get home from work, and he will have the biggest smile on his face when he sees you. Our son may not be our little baby for much longer, but the exciting journey as parents is in theory just beginning. Bring on the walking, talking, and toddler stages!

I do not think you know just how much I appreciate all that you have done. You are an amazing mother, and will always be. xxx

A letter to my Dad..

Dad, I wanted to write you a letter to say thank you. To tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for us, how much you have sacrificed, and just how hard you have worked to provide for us as a family. 

As long as I can remember, you have worked flat out to better our lives. You have left at the crack of dawn, returned after dark, and have done all that you can to ensure that mum, K, and I have had the best of everything in our lives. Whilst other Dads on our road would leave for their cushy 9-5 office jobs, you would have to drive 4hours per day to get to your physical hard job, often going abroad to earn that pound coin for us. At weekends you have not sat down and chilled, you have grafted to transform our home and garden more than once.

I saw a quote online that resonated, as it is very true for me. The quote said: 

"When you teach your son, you also teach your son's son"

I will teach my son things which you have taught me. He will have the same qualities and characteristics from me, that I have from you.  As years have passed and I have grown older, we have grown closer, and we have been able to speak about sensitive subjects to a degree, and I know that you will always have my best interests at heart. You have always been my biggest fan. You have always believed in me and pushed me to do better. But you let me find my own way. You have been more than a father. You have been a friend.

But lately there have been developments and subjects that aren’t that easy to talk about, and I know that these subjects scare you, even if you won’t admit it. You have received a diagnosis which must seem like a death sentence and you may have to further tests and prodding and poking by people in white coats. I know that you are loathed to go through that again, after the last time it left you with an infection that meant we could have lost you, but Dad you really need to think about it.

Consider that although these tests could bring dark clouds, it will also bring a sense of blue skies in the future. Blue skies where we as a family can make memories and share laughter. I fear that without the further investigations a storm will come over us and never leave.

I have a son of my own now, and I think that has brought us closer. The bond you have with him is amazing, and has been since he was born. There is something magical about your bond that he doesn’t have with anyone else. I want that to continue into his life as he grows. I want you to be here to experience it with him. 

Throughout my life, I have said that if I can echo what you have achieved in your life, then I would have been successful. You came from a very working class background, to have a lovely home, two happy kids, and were able to give mum the amazing gift of 18years off of work, to ensure she was always there for me and K. We had lovely holidays, K had her dream wedding. You have always been there to give us everything. If I can emulate for my own life and family, then I will have done well.

It is now your time to enjoy life. If treatment will buy you a solid few years of good health, then in my eyes it is a no brainer. Go and enjoy the world with Mum. Go for the holidays you have always wanted. Buy the car of your dreams. You have worked hard all of your life. Go and enjoy it. As you have always said, there is no point being the richest man in the cemetery. 

Please know that all you have done has been appreciated, valued and respected. You are my true inspiration. I hope my life has made you proud, and I hope you respect me as a man I have become.

If storm clouds do come our way, we will not hide away from them. We will face them head on. Together. As a family. We can not give up. We must not. We will not.

Ps - this is the hardest blog to write and harder to share. Realisation of what is going on sucks big
time. - I love you.

Thank you for reading this - whoever you are. If you can relate to this topic, please encourage your relative to open up. It is so easy for them to try to be the typical alpha male and assume this will be ok.


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