Happy Retirement Day Dad!

Today marks a monumental day for my family. 

After 35 plus years of hard graft, manual work, long hours and torturous commutes to work, my Dad is finally retiring. And I am completely delighted and immensely proud of him as he reaches the end of his working life.

For as long as I have known, my Dad has left for work before the day breaks, and has returned after nightfall. Most days have seen him stuck in traffic for hours on the horrific M25 motorway, travelling to film studios located on the other side of London. Often throughout our childhood, Dad would get a job which resulted in many weeks and months working abroad. Ireland, Turkey, Russia, Kenya, Tenerife to name just a few locations. Dad sacrificed spending time with us in order to bring home as much as he could, to provide a great life for my mum, my sister and I.

As a father myself, I understand the sacrifice. He could have had an easy life and worked the 9-5, but he wanted more for us. And I am eternally grateful. As I mentioned in a post from a few months back, A Letter To My Dad we have wanted him to slow down for some time.

When people have asked over the years, what my Dad does for work, my response was always that he worked in Films and Television. This would usually lead to the person I am talking to thinking that it was a very glamorous role. But Dad’s part in the industry certainly wasn’t the glitz and glamour others assume it to be. A carpenter by trade, my Dad has been a Construction Manager on many huge film and tv blockbusters over the years. Often, Dad and his team are the first people to arrive to start work and are the last to leave. They are there on the project long before the cameras start rolling, and then long after to strike the set. Often they are not credited for the work they have completed on the film, and often neglected from screening invitations. At times in his career he might have felt underappreciated, but as a family, we hugely appreciate what he has done.

That is not to say that he hasn’t enjoyed his career. He will no doubt look back and smile, as he had some really good times and worked with a good group of people. He had a core group who he would hire whenever he was chosen to lead a new project. His two brothers, his best friend, and a core group of reliable guys that he could trust to get the job done to a high standard. But for him, losing his best friend to cancer last year had a real knock on effect. The enjoyment he had from his best friends company was no longer with him at work. Dad’s tiredness had started to show, but now he can look forward to the rest of his life without having to work. But there is no doubt, and knowing the man he is, he will be working non stop in and around the home, and will be looking for a short term job back in the film game in the months to come.

I hope he can use this time to relax and enjoy spending time with mum. They should go on holiday to their dream locations, do all the things which were not possible during the past 35+ years, and enjoy each other.  Enjoy their retirement years and make memories. Today is the day you stop working and start living!

A small selection of some of the movies / TV programmes that my Dad has worked on over his long career.

Lightning Could Strike..

It is weird how as people, our lives can be so effected by someone else.

Whether it be the love of your life sweeping you off of your feet, the birth of your child instantly maturing you, someone doing you a kind deed, or even something such as someone’s creativity or talent moving you emotionally.

We all have impacts on those around us. Even if we do not necessarily realise that we do.

Pieces of music, a singer’s voice, a piece of cinema, acting in television, film or stage, an artist’s vision, or even sporting brilliance can absolutely captivate you. For me, it is music and film.

The emotions that one can feel when they are attached to something creative like these forms of entertainment can range so much, you can be elevated up to the highest level, or crushed all in something you have observed.

I can be taken away somewhere by a great film, or a piece of music/certain song can just change my emotions completely. As a man approaching his 33^rd birthday, I feel more emotion towards certain songs and movies now, than I ever have.

The other night, Meet Joe Black was on television. A film I must have seen ten times or more. Each and every time, there are certain scenes, where the score absolutely breaks me. The soundtrack removes me from watching the film, removes me from real life, and instead plays out emotions in my own movie in my thought process.

In the film, Death who has taken the form of a young man (Brad Pitt), who falls in love with the daughter (Claire Forlani) of the man he has asked to show and teach him about life (Anthony Hopkins). Earlier in the film, we see the young man and the daughter meet in the coffee shop, with a clear chemistry between the two. There is a clear dilemma at the goodbye. We see them both repeatedly looking over their shoulder and spinning on their heels, both wanting but reluctant to go back to the other to confront the emotions they feel. All before going their separate ways, which leads to him being hit by a car before Death takes his body. (Apologies for the spoiler, but the film is nearly twenty years old – so I am assuming you have seen it already!) 

We have all had similar dilemmas in our lives. It those crossroads moments in life. Go one way and life goes in a certain direction, go the other way and life goes completely the opposite. It is the choices we make when we encounter these crossroads, which can define the rest of our life. For me this film, this music reminds me of my crossroads in my past, which have led me to where I am now.

It perfectly captures the essence of the story that it is telling somehow. The love, the fear and the pain. We have all been in love, and we have all been bereaved. Somehow both things come to mind when I hear this. 

I think of my girlfriend. That if I hadn’t have spoken to her that day at the train station in London, my life wouldn’t be what it is now, and my beautiful son wouldn’t be here 8 years later. I think of my past loves. I think of the impact each have had on my life and the road that my life has travelled down. For example, if one of my exes hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have ended up going to university. I wouldn’t have met by best friend etc. Her action lead to my immediate reaction to remove myself from that place in my life. It was a crossroads moment.

In the same breath, that one piece of music, makes me think of the people who are no longer with us. I mostly think of both of my Grandparents. I wish they had been in my life longer. I wish they would have seen the man that I grew up to be.  My grandmothers were beautiful, hardworking, proud, determined, family women. They gave everything to raise their family and protect their loved ones.  My grandfathers worked to the bone, had great humour, kindness, generosity and were perfect gentlemen. These are the qualities I want to inherit and teach my son. The character played by Anthony Hopkins, who is tasked with showing Death life on earth,  is everything you would expect a proud family man to be. He wants to know he has done his best and that his family will be ok without him. He wants to use his crossroads to take the time to be with those around him.

I see the same qualities in Hopkins character, as I do in my own father. I know he is soon to be approaching a crossroads in terms of his treatment for his illness. He is eagerly trying to ensure that everything is sorted for the rest of us, but all we want is for him to be healthy and happy. For him to spend as many healthy and happy days with our mum. We want him to live for now, because we know how he approaches whichever road he decides to go down will have long term effects on the rest of us. 

This one piece of music and even the film itself makes me think of all of these things. However, when I sit back and really consider what that emotive music does to me, I think overall it makes me think of love and life. It makes me realise that you have to live for the day. Crossroads in life will come and go, but it is the actions of now that really count.

And like the young man says… ‘Lightning could strike’.

The piece of music I mentioned is the first 5 minutes of That Next Place composed by Thomas Newman.

Why I wanted to be Chris Chambers...

I must have been around 10years old when I first watched the movie that would be a backbone in my Top10 of all time.

Stand By Me from 1986, is defined as a ‘coming of age’ film, typical of the 80s, based on the short novel 'The Body' by Stephen King.

I immediately identified with Will Wheaton’s character ‘Gordie Lachance’, and yet aspired to be like River Phoenix’s character ‘Chris Chambers’. I certainly wanted to have an adventure similar to the one that that they encountered. 

My sister and I watched this film countless times as kids, so much so, that we can still recall quotes instantly to this day. 

 To quickly summarise, even though I don’t think there are many people around who haven’t seen it.. A grown up Gordie (Richard Dreyfuss), writes the story about the summer where he and his buddies went looking for the body of a missing boy. It was the last summer before they were interested in girls, the last summer before the group drifted apart as life started getting complicated.

The young, shy, sensitive Gordie finds comfort in his friends, especially Chris, as his parents are struggling to come to terms with the loss of Gordie’s older brother. Each of Gordie’s friends have their flaws, whether it be Chris, where is criminal family have a bad name, or Teddy (Corey Feldman) who has an abusive father, or Vern (Jerry O’Connell) who is overweight and goofy, making him the target for the groups abuse.

Although I hadn’t lost a big brother like Gordie, I had just encountered a bereavement in the family, and I guess I could relate with that sense of loss. Outwardly I may have seemed confident, but there was a definite sensitivity to my childhood. There was a hole in our family, which we didn’t really speak about. I wanted acceptance from my peers that I was normal like they were. All things which made me identify with Gordie.

Chris was from the other side of the tracks so to speak. From a family of criminals, he yearned to be better, but his surname dragged him back. He leads the group, he is passionate and brave, but opens up to show his sensitive side. He takes Gordie under his wing and acts as the older brother/ father figure missing from Gordie’s life. Gordie was creative and would clearly exceed his peers in life the movie, but he wanted acceptance from his best friend Chris. The relationship between the two is a driving factor in the movie.

Wheaton, once stated that the Director casted four young boys who were basically already the character they would be playing. Wheaton described himself as awkward and nerdy, that Phoenix was cool, smart and seemed like a father figure, that O’Connell was funny, and Feldman was an angry lost boy. This certainly must have helped the film’s authenticity, as these emotions and characteristics clearly come across on screen.

I had nothing in common with the background of Chris Chambers’ character. But I looked up to him. He was respected, he was courageous, and he was real. I loved the way he was on his feet to confront the knife wielding leader of the older gang ‘Ace’ – protecting and standing up for his friends, risking it all. I loved the way he urged Gordie to not ignore his talents. How he wouldn’t allow Teddy to risk his life playing chicken with the train, instead risking his own to save him from the tracks. I respected him for being a a leader, but always having time for his friends.

Ultimatley, I admired him for wanting to better himself.  

 One of the he final scenes in the film is Chris opening up to Gordie:

Chris:   I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?
Gordie:   You can do anything you want, man.
Chris:   Yeah, sure. Give me some skin.
Gordie:   I'll see ya.
Chris:   Not if I see you first.

 

We then learn that he did get out of the town, and made a success of his life. But in typical Chris Chambers, he stood up for someone and was killed in the altercation. It is a humbling and heartbreaking moment, as Chris’s character fades from screen. You have belived in Chris for the whole movie. You had hoped he would make it out. His death in the plot felt like a death in real life to me when I was ten years old. To this day I feel real grief when I watch that scene.

 

The movie made River Phoenix a house hold name. I think the fact that Phoenix died not long after my sister and I had discovered this film in 1993 made things even more real, it was if River Phoenix was Chris Chambers in real life. He was a huge talent, and it would have been amazing to see the type of films he would have made in the years to come.

Stand By Me is the type of film I will watch again many times in my lifetime. The comical parts will make me laugh, the deeper aspects will make me reflect. I will watch it with my son when he is older, and I will be interested to see which character he resonates with. I hope it is a mix of Gordie and Chris, with a hint of Vern's good nature thrown in. Ultimately, I hope he finds friendship that will last lifetime, just like Gordie and Chris.