A Wake Up Call..

First off, I wanted to say a huge THANKS! to everyone who has taken the time to reach out to me and offer kind words. I just wanted to write a quick update to my post from earlier this month Perhaps.. Perhaps.. Perhaps..

The results are back for the mole which was excised and sent for analysis and it is good news. There is no sign of melanoma, and although there is activity within the mole, there is nothing to worry about.

It has been a long wait, and I would be lying if I wrote that I didn't have days in that period where I thought nothing but the worst, convincing myself that it was doom and gloom. But then I would receive comments, messages and tweets from people whom I have never met, who would share their story and try to keep me positive. Despite going through their own struggles, people still showed a real concern. That is truly touching, and I really appreciate each one that I received. It seems there are many other believers in Random Acts of Kindness

This year, I have had my eyes opened to the real dangers of Cancer in it's various forms. I am lucky and extremely grateful for this wake up call. My family has been through it this year, so to get the all clear so to speak, has been welcome relief. I will no longer take health and happiness for granted.

If you are concerned about your health, you are the one that needs to act upon it. Do not sit around and hope that it will go away. Do not put the niggling suspicion to the back of your mind. Make the appointment and get yourself checked out.

I know that there are hundred and thousands of people each week who do not get the good news that I have just received, and my heart goes out to all of you. Please know that you do not need to go through this alone. There are people who care. There are people who want to help you. People who will share their story to help get you out of the dark place you may find yourself in. It just takes a bit of searching online, and before you know it, you find whole online communities of people who are going through the same struggle as you.

Again, thank you to those of you who reached out. 

The End of Maternity Leave...

Today marks the last day of my partner’s maternity leave. To most people without kids, it simply means that this is the last day of her year off of work. But to her, and to other mothers like her, it is a day that they have been dreading since the baby arrived in the world.

For the past twelve months, she has been the primary care giver to our young son. She has spent every waking and many sleeping hours at his every noise, need and movement. She has nursed him, cared for him, cried for him, cried with him, been his doctor, loved him unconditionally and given him every ounce of her being. Yet for her, the hardest part of it all, is that from next Monday, the responsibility is to be shared out with other people. 

Our son will attend nursery one day per week, and will be looked after by his grandmothers for one day each. Although my partner is only back to work part time, there is a definite anxiety on her behalf, that I am sure is shared by all new mothers returning to work. I assume that it is facing up to the realisation that our son will be influenced by other people in the days, weeks and months to come, and that she will not be there for him 24/7 as she has been for the past year.

From my perspective, as a father, I can say that maternity leave has been tough. I wish I could have been around more, but only getting two weeks off of work when he was born, has meant I am used to leaving the house before dark, to return for when he is crying and ready for bed. I got used to only having time with him either as soon as I woke up for five minutes before getting ready for work, or at night time when I feed him his bottle and lay him down to sleep. Main quality time comes at the weekend. It is sad, but I have had to get used to it.  I have taken the full financial burden during this time, and wanted my partner to fully focus on our son. I was happy when my partner decide to only go back to work part time, as I wanted her to be heavily involved in our sons life. My mother didn’t work for 18 years when my sister and I were children, and in an ideal world, if it was her choice, I wouldn’t want my partner to have to work either. But unfortunately we are not in that financial position. I have not exerted any pressure to return to work, and we accept that money will continue to be tight as we move forward.

It has been tough to see her go through so many emotions during the twelve months. He has various allergies, intolerances, and since he was born it has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and my partner has handled everything in her stride. She is scared that she is losing him. But in reality is she simply sharing him, allowing him to continue to grow, develop and learn.

Our son is so curious to the world around him. He has developed into a cheeky, happy, healthy, inquisitive, funny, caring and loving little boy, who is bringing so much happiness to those around him. We are extremely blessed and fortunate. I will be forever grateful for all of the things that my partner has done during these twelve months. Truth be told, I would have been lost without her.

To my Kate,

 Thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do to looking after us all. We will get through the next few weeks, and things will seem normal again in no time. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are an amazing Mum. Your colleagues will be glad to have you back, and your clients can hear all about how amazing our baby boy is.

I know that these next few weeks will be full of anxiety, fear, and a longing to be back with our boy. I am aware that Sunday night will feel like the first day back at school multiplied by a thousand. I know that Monday will be one of the hardest days you will have had. But know that our boy will be there waiting for you when you get home from work, and he will have the biggest smile on his face when he sees you. Our son may not be our little baby for much longer, but the exciting journey as parents is in theory just beginning. Bring on the walking, talking, and toddler stages!

I do not think you know just how much I appreciate all that you have done. You are an amazing mother, and will always be. xxx

Somebody I Used to Know..

It is pretty amazing to think of how many people come into and out of our lives. 

Think of all the kids you knew at school, the people you met through clubs and activities as children. Are any of them still in your life? How about the people you met at college or the people you partied with? Chances are you may still have a core group of friends in your life who have been a constant. 

Are you still in contact with any of the people who shared the same place of work as you throughout your career? What about the people you met travelling, or the people who you formed an instant bond with over a shared passion? Are you still in touch, or simply keeping up with each other lives by looking on social media and occasionally liking one of their Facebook posts?

It is weird how people who you have been bonded with over a number years can suddenly be out of your life often without reason or warning. Like the song by Gotye, they become 'Somebody that you used to know'.

In my case, I have a number of people in my phone contacts library, which I simply do not feel I could call to catch up with. Too much time has passed since our last conversation. It doesn’t mean that I do not care for them, or do not wish to still be in their life, but simply, that we have drifted apart. Before my son was born I removed over seven hundred people from my social media account. Not because I do not like these people, but simply because they are not in my life anymore.

My friendship and time is there for anyone who wants to offer the same back. As life goes on, I have realised that it’s more important to have those people in your life who actually want to be there, opposed to those who just want to follow your social media updates and occasionally like a Facebook post. I have learnt not to chase people. You can't force a friendship.

Unfortunately, there are people who simply do not return messages or phone calls. At what point do you take the hint and stop calling them? You hope deep down, that if you meant something to them, they would call you back. Unfortunately this has happened to me. Someone who meant the absolute world to me, never called back.

I have to say that I really f**king miss that person. We could communicate in ways that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone else. We had been there for each other through various dark times. We were about to share the most amazing life changing experience together. We shared a joint excitement, but life seemed to take over, and calls, voicemails and text messages were not answered. In the end frustration took over, and I left a voicemail saying that I wouldn’t be calling again, and that if he wanted to stay in touch, to reach out. But he never called back.

Serious things have happened in my life in the nine months that followed that voicemail, and I have needed to share that with someone. But the person who I would have confided in hasn’t been there. And it hurts. It hurts to not know what his reason was. Perhaps there was something I did that pissed him off.  If you read this, you will know who you are. I was only concerned for you as you were going through a shit time. I wanted to be there for you to ease the burden. I will always wish you nothing but the best in life, and hope one day my phone will ring.

Of course there are others who have come and gone. But none had the same impact as someone who you consider to be a friend for life.

I am lucky though, I have a close knit group of friends and an additional handful of other true friends, who will be friends for life. We do not have to speak to each other weekly to know that we will always be there for one another. I simply will not allow the friendships to fizzle out. They are almost thought of as extended family members, thus is the impact they have made and esteem I hold them in. People like TA, MM, SH, AC, RH, LR, and lastly by best friend DE will hopefully be in my life forever. Seriousness of life, geographical locations, kids, relationships, commitments, and other factors will not come in the way of our bonds.We have shared so much laughter, emotions and have memories to last a lifetime.

My best friend is younger than me, but I look upto him. He has had it tough in his life, but has come out of it as the best man I know. He would drop everything to be there for me, and I know that completely. He has helped me deal with some real sh*t, and I will be eternally grateful. He made me the biggest promise anyone could ever make, that should anything happen to me in life, he will be there for my son and will teach him all of the lessons that I would taught him. I will never forget that.

There are times in your life, where you need help or guidance of those around you.Sometimes you need someone to literally be silly with. To those in my life, I will always be here for you.  Personally, 2016 has sucked for me. Bad luck, bad news and bad timings have all been present. I fully appreciate everyone who has been there for me so far. We all need somebody to lean on at times.