Lightning Could Strike..

It is weird how as people, our lives can be so effected by someone else.

Whether it be the love of your life sweeping you off of your feet, the birth of your child instantly maturing you, someone doing you a kind deed, or even something such as someone’s creativity or talent moving you emotionally.

We all have impacts on those around us. Even if we do not necessarily realise that we do.

Pieces of music, a singer’s voice, a piece of cinema, acting in television, film or stage, an artist’s vision, or even sporting brilliance can absolutely captivate you. For me, it is music and film.

The emotions that one can feel when they are attached to something creative like these forms of entertainment can range so much, you can be elevated up to the highest level, or crushed all in something you have observed.

I can be taken away somewhere by a great film, or a piece of music/certain song can just change my emotions completely. As a man approaching his 33^rd birthday, I feel more emotion towards certain songs and movies now, than I ever have.

The other night, Meet Joe Black was on television. A film I must have seen ten times or more. Each and every time, there are certain scenes, where the score absolutely breaks me. The soundtrack removes me from watching the film, removes me from real life, and instead plays out emotions in my own movie in my thought process.

In the film, Death who has taken the form of a young man (Brad Pitt), who falls in love with the daughter (Claire Forlani) of the man he has asked to show and teach him about life (Anthony Hopkins). Earlier in the film, we see the young man and the daughter meet in the coffee shop, with a clear chemistry between the two. There is a clear dilemma at the goodbye. We see them both repeatedly looking over their shoulder and spinning on their heels, both wanting but reluctant to go back to the other to confront the emotions they feel. All before going their separate ways, which leads to him being hit by a car before Death takes his body. (Apologies for the spoiler, but the film is nearly twenty years old – so I am assuming you have seen it already!) 

We have all had similar dilemmas in our lives. It those crossroads moments in life. Go one way and life goes in a certain direction, go the other way and life goes completely the opposite. It is the choices we make when we encounter these crossroads, which can define the rest of our life. For me this film, this music reminds me of my crossroads in my past, which have led me to where I am now.

It perfectly captures the essence of the story that it is telling somehow. The love, the fear and the pain. We have all been in love, and we have all been bereaved. Somehow both things come to mind when I hear this. 

I think of my girlfriend. That if I hadn’t have spoken to her that day at the train station in London, my life wouldn’t be what it is now, and my beautiful son wouldn’t be here 8 years later. I think of my past loves. I think of the impact each have had on my life and the road that my life has travelled down. For example, if one of my exes hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have ended up going to university. I wouldn’t have met by best friend etc. Her action lead to my immediate reaction to remove myself from that place in my life. It was a crossroads moment.

In the same breath, that one piece of music, makes me think of the people who are no longer with us. I mostly think of both of my Grandparents. I wish they had been in my life longer. I wish they would have seen the man that I grew up to be.  My grandmothers were beautiful, hardworking, proud, determined, family women. They gave everything to raise their family and protect their loved ones.  My grandfathers worked to the bone, had great humour, kindness, generosity and were perfect gentlemen. These are the qualities I want to inherit and teach my son. The character played by Anthony Hopkins, who is tasked with showing Death life on earth,  is everything you would expect a proud family man to be. He wants to know he has done his best and that his family will be ok without him. He wants to use his crossroads to take the time to be with those around him.

I see the same qualities in Hopkins character, as I do in my own father. I know he is soon to be approaching a crossroads in terms of his treatment for his illness. He is eagerly trying to ensure that everything is sorted for the rest of us, but all we want is for him to be healthy and happy. For him to spend as many healthy and happy days with our mum. We want him to live for now, because we know how he approaches whichever road he decides to go down will have long term effects on the rest of us. 

This one piece of music and even the film itself makes me think of all of these things. However, when I sit back and really consider what that emotive music does to me, I think overall it makes me think of love and life. It makes me realise that you have to live for the day. Crossroads in life will come and go, but it is the actions of now that really count.

And like the young man says… ‘Lightning could strike’.

The piece of music I mentioned is the first 5 minutes of That Next Place composed by Thomas Newman.

A Wake Up Call..

First off, I wanted to say a huge THANKS! to everyone who has taken the time to reach out to me and offer kind words. I just wanted to write a quick update to my post from earlier this month Perhaps.. Perhaps.. Perhaps..

The results are back for the mole which was excised and sent for analysis and it is good news. There is no sign of melanoma, and although there is activity within the mole, there is nothing to worry about.

It has been a long wait, and I would be lying if I wrote that I didn't have days in that period where I thought nothing but the worst, convincing myself that it was doom and gloom. But then I would receive comments, messages and tweets from people whom I have never met, who would share their story and try to keep me positive. Despite going through their own struggles, people still showed a real concern. That is truly touching, and I really appreciate each one that I received. It seems there are many other believers in Random Acts of Kindness

This year, I have had my eyes opened to the real dangers of Cancer in it's various forms. I am lucky and extremely grateful for this wake up call. My family has been through it this year, so to get the all clear so to speak, has been welcome relief. I will no longer take health and happiness for granted.

If you are concerned about your health, you are the one that needs to act upon it. Do not sit around and hope that it will go away. Do not put the niggling suspicion to the back of your mind. Make the appointment and get yourself checked out.

I know that there are hundred and thousands of people each week who do not get the good news that I have just received, and my heart goes out to all of you. Please know that you do not need to go through this alone. There are people who care. There are people who want to help you. People who will share their story to help get you out of the dark place you may find yourself in. It just takes a bit of searching online, and before you know it, you find whole online communities of people who are going through the same struggle as you.

Again, thank you to those of you who reached out. 

Random Acts of Kindness...

Today is #RandomActsOfKindness day. 

It shouldn’t be that hard to do. Being kind should be part of our genetic make up as a human being. As children we were taught to be thoughtful and kind, however as life rolls on and we grow up, it is easier to keep our heads down and focus on our own lives, than taking literally minutes out of our day to do something kind/thoughtful for someone else.

A few months back, when I was struggling with various personal demons, I had the day from hell. You know that type of day. The type of day that we have all had in our lives. The day where everything is just shit. From the time you wake up, and continuously throughout the day – where everything that could go wrong, does go wrong. The day where every ounce of effort to get things right, is redundant, as things were destined to go wrong from the start.

My day at work had been awful. This resulted in having to stay late, which meant I upset my partner as she couldn’t clock off of mummy duties, as I would miss my son’s bed time, which pissed me off as I look forward to that 20minutes more than any other minutes in my day, where we have baby and daddy time, as I give him his formula and he settles to sleep on my chest. 

The tube ride from the office was horrific. Packed on like sardines, with the typical disgust and loathing that us London commuters seem to have for one another. As I exited the station, it had started raining heavily. I didn’t have an umbrella. I had taken it out to fit my laptop into my bag, as I was going to have to log on again once I was home. I was literally so annoyed at the hand that I had been dealt that day.

As I walked the 100metres or so between Embankment tube station and Charing Cross over ground station, I saw a young guy, around my age, sitting on the ground, clearly homeless. It was in that split second, I realised how insignificant my problems really were. I did something that I would usually never do. There was this guy - on the cold pavement, in the rain. He didn’t have a penny to his name, no job, no home, no loved ones around him. He looked like he needed help. Instinct took over and I stopped next to him, and without realising I asked him if he had eaten today. He told me he hadn’t. I went straight over to the Tesco Express store, and spent just over a fiver on random bits. A Mars Bar, a can of Coke, a bottle of water, some crisps, a packet of tissues, a hot sausage roll and a hot steak bake.

When I approached the gentleman for the second time, with the bag of items that I had quickly picked up, the look on his face will stay with me forever. The gratitude that man gave me that instant, was one of the most moving experiences I have ever had. It was like I had given him the winning lotto numbers. I stopped to talk to him, he quickly introduced himself as Derek, he came from Northern Ireland, and had been homeless for only a few months. He told me that he would try to get into accommodation for the evening, but there would be no guarantee. He told me that he had sat in the same spot for a number of hours, and hadn’t spoken to single person all afternoon and evening. After some brief back and forth between us, I wished him well and told him I would look for him when I was next passing.

I left Derek with a completely different outlook on my achievements for the day from hell. I had done something kind for someone I hadn’t met before. It may sound silly, but it was the type of action that I knew immediately would be something that would make my mum proud. The inner child in me knew I had done a good deed. It is crazy that something can mean so much to someone. He was so thankful for my kindness, it inspired me to do more of it.

I found out that there is a whole global movement - https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ - with the aim of spreading the message of getting people to do kind things for others. Paying it forward. People doing good for someone, and that person in turn doing a good deed for the next person.

Since then, I try to do something every week for someone I do not know. It doesn’t have to involve spending money. It can be anything. Most of mine tend be chivalrous acts, holding doors, offering help with luggage, letting people on transport first, offering help where it is needed etc. It helps. If you are feeling down or low, doing something nice for someone you do not know really seems to lift you up. There is something worthwhile in helping someone else. Try it in your own life. Do something for someone that you generally wouldnt usually do. There are lots of things online to help you find inspiration should you be struggling. It has certainly helped me.

This morning for example, at the tube station platform, I saw a lady who had clearly been taken ill and had vomited. People were walking around her, instead of offering her some help. I gave her the packet of tissues from my bag, and asked if she needed help to leave the station. I sat and spoke with her until she told me she was feeling a bit better. She informed me that she was concerned she was going to pass out before I spoke to her. I hope she felt better, but I felt better for trying to help.

Buzzfeed posted a great article for 101 easy ideas for Random Acts of Kindness.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/101-easy-ideas-for-random-acts-of-kindness#.rbpZD9NZ

Some of my favourites:

• Tweet or Facebook message a genuine compliment to three people right now.
• Smile at someone on the street, just because.
• Stop to talk to a homeless person.
• Remind yourself that everyone is fighting their own struggles.
• Help someone struggling with heavy bags.
• Call your mom.
• Join the organ donor register
• Give blood.

I remember years ago when I was at University, I saw a man pay for an elderly ladies shopping in the supermarket. I automatically thought he was a hero for doing that. It isn’t until now, that I realise there may have been something underlying his reason for doing it. Either way, it was a great gesture of kindness.

A friend of mine volunteers his Saturday morning’s, to sit with an elderly lady in a local nursing home, and write her letters to her friends and family across the world for her, as she can no longer do it. She dictates, recalling stories and memories. He listens, observes, writes her letters, and offers her something that other people take for granted. Kindness.

Give it a try, do something kind for someone you don’t know.

A letter to my Dad..

Dad, I wanted to write you a letter to say thank you. To tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for us, how much you have sacrificed, and just how hard you have worked to provide for us as a family. 

As long as I can remember, you have worked flat out to better our lives. You have left at the crack of dawn, returned after dark, and have done all that you can to ensure that mum, K, and I have had the best of everything in our lives. Whilst other Dads on our road would leave for their cushy 9-5 office jobs, you would have to drive 4hours per day to get to your physical hard job, often going abroad to earn that pound coin for us. At weekends you have not sat down and chilled, you have grafted to transform our home and garden more than once.

I saw a quote online that resonated, as it is very true for me. The quote said: 

"When you teach your son, you also teach your son's son"

I will teach my son things which you have taught me. He will have the same qualities and characteristics from me, that I have from you.  As years have passed and I have grown older, we have grown closer, and we have been able to speak about sensitive subjects to a degree, and I know that you will always have my best interests at heart. You have always been my biggest fan. You have always believed in me and pushed me to do better. But you let me find my own way. You have been more than a father. You have been a friend.

But lately there have been developments and subjects that aren’t that easy to talk about, and I know that these subjects scare you, even if you won’t admit it. You have received a diagnosis which must seem like a death sentence and you may have to further tests and prodding and poking by people in white coats. I know that you are loathed to go through that again, after the last time it left you with an infection that meant we could have lost you, but Dad you really need to think about it.

Consider that although these tests could bring dark clouds, it will also bring a sense of blue skies in the future. Blue skies where we as a family can make memories and share laughter. I fear that without the further investigations a storm will come over us and never leave.

I have a son of my own now, and I think that has brought us closer. The bond you have with him is amazing, and has been since he was born. There is something magical about your bond that he doesn’t have with anyone else. I want that to continue into his life as he grows. I want you to be here to experience it with him. 

Throughout my life, I have said that if I can echo what you have achieved in your life, then I would have been successful. You came from a very working class background, to have a lovely home, two happy kids, and were able to give mum the amazing gift of 18years off of work, to ensure she was always there for me and K. We had lovely holidays, K had her dream wedding. You have always been there to give us everything. If I can emulate for my own life and family, then I will have done well.

It is now your time to enjoy life. If treatment will buy you a solid few years of good health, then in my eyes it is a no brainer. Go and enjoy the world with Mum. Go for the holidays you have always wanted. Buy the car of your dreams. You have worked hard all of your life. Go and enjoy it. As you have always said, there is no point being the richest man in the cemetery. 

Please know that all you have done has been appreciated, valued and respected. You are my true inspiration. I hope my life has made you proud, and I hope you respect me as a man I have become.

If storm clouds do come our way, we will not hide away from them. We will face them head on. Together. As a family. We can not give up. We must not. We will not.

Ps - this is the hardest blog to write and harder to share. Realisation of what is going on sucks big
time. - I love you.

Thank you for reading this - whoever you are. If you can relate to this topic, please encourage your relative to open up. It is so easy for them to try to be the typical alpha male and assume this will be ok.


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