It's a f**cked up world that we live in...

Yesterday I asked myself and colleagues around me a question – are we, as the social media generation, desensitised from shocking and gratuitous violence?  I think as a majority, we probably are. Well I certainly am. And in my opinion that is down to the way coverage is shared via social media.

I have various forms of social media, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram. Each serves its own purpose. When I learnt of the shooting of Alton Sterling, I logged into my Twitter account. With literally a few keyboard strokes, I saw video footage of two murders on my Twitter feed. It saddened me, but I certainly wasn’t shocked and moved to a new level of emotion that I probably should have been. And I blame that, not on movies and video games. But the sharing of REAL time news on social media.

The two separate videos were the murders of two black men by US police officers. I used the term murder as in my opinion that is what it was. No doubt about it in my mind. No other term is required or can be justified. The officers that killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile murdered them. 

The police officers seemed to be a fit of rage and hysteria in the aftermath of pulling that trigger. It was almost as if the gun in their hand and uniform on their body gave them a sense of power that they were invincible, and as soon as the sound of the bullets leaving the chamber stopped ringing in their ears, they snapped into an understanding of what would happen to them from now on. 

Their lives will be turned upside down and those of their families. The split second it took to murder those men will impact those around them forever. But that is nothing in comparison for those who lost someone in that action. Children will never have their daddy back, and that is unacceptable. The US police needs to seriously review the types of people they are hiring, as they are engaging their firearms before engaging their brains. 

This morning I woke and the top trend on Twitter was #Dallas. When you see a place name trending, you know something bad has happened. And it has. In what appears to have been an organised revenge attack on police officers, resulting in eleven officers shot, five killed, and an unconfirmed number of members of the public have been shot at a #BlackLivesMatter protest in the city. Once again, events have been captured on film, and shared online. In one video which has been shared virally, we have seen the execution of one officer, who was killed doing his job. And again I wasn’t shocked. The cold hearted execution of a police officer doing his job should have moved me. But we have seen it before. 

But yesterday isn’t the first time that we have witnessed such atrocities, and certainly won’t be the last. But in recent times, I have learnt about these incidents via Twitter and Facebook. In the past weeks we have seen the mass murder in the Orlando nightclub, and although mass footage didn’t come out, individual messages and heartbreak were shared internationally on social media.

In August last year, videos flooded social media of the murders of news reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward. These videos had been filmed and released by the killer himself. The videos were shared instantly and spread like wild fire globally. They became viral. Millions of people saw the horrified look on Alison Parker's face as she literally stared down the barrel of a gun. Whether they wanted to or not. The image was shared and publisized around the world.

In yesterday’s murders, the attack in Dallas, and the murder of the news team last summer, we have witnessed someone taking human life without thought or compassion. We have seen the last moments of someone’s life, and in some videos even seen their last breath.  

And although truly heart-breaking when you think of the impact of the action upon the individuals, loved ones, families, friends, co-workers etc, we as members of the social community still share the videos on social media, with no thought of who may see it. 

Acts of violence, murder and terror attacks are part of the world we live in, but we have a duty to share the news responsibly. Social media gives everyone a voice, but in my opinion we have a responsibility about how we use that voice. There is an argument that people can share the truth on social media, the truth as it happens, compared to a filtered and censored version we may often get from the media news outlets.

We are a generation who have been brought up on violent movies, violent video games and global atrocities being shown on our screens. We are a generation who know that gratuitous violence is just a few clicks away should we want to see it. We are also a generation who have been brought up with modern cameras, smart phones, body worn cameras and live streaming. When something shocking happens, you will often see a crowd of people with their phones out filming the activity. The ability to film what is actually happening is there to prove the actions that are occurring,  which has never been more evident than in the murder of Philando Castille, who’s partner filmed and broadcasted live on Facebook the aftermath of the Police officer opening fire on him after he reached for his driving licence. In that ten minute Facebook live video, we saw the moment he passed away and her remarkable calmness and willingness to comply with the officer, as the officer seemed to become hysterical. 

Desensitization to a subject suggests a lower level of emotion in response to something you have witnessed. 

I would describe myself as an emotive and passionate person, yet with all of the things I have seen recently, with the additions of coverage of huge events over the years such as: 7/7, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Columbine, and not to mention the countless violent or abusive videos random Facebook friends have liked or shared, I would certainly say that I view things with a lower level of emotion towards them, compared to how I would have felt in days before social media. I am sure I am not alone in feeling that way. 

I seem to be tweeting the same thing quite often now days : "Its a fucked up world we live in."

My thoughts and condolences go out to the families of all of the people who have lost their lives in recent events. RIP.

Lightning Could Strike..

It is weird how as people, our lives can be so effected by someone else.

Whether it be the love of your life sweeping you off of your feet, the birth of your child instantly maturing you, someone doing you a kind deed, or even something such as someone’s creativity or talent moving you emotionally.

We all have impacts on those around us. Even if we do not necessarily realise that we do.

Pieces of music, a singer’s voice, a piece of cinema, acting in television, film or stage, an artist’s vision, or even sporting brilliance can absolutely captivate you. For me, it is music and film.

The emotions that one can feel when they are attached to something creative like these forms of entertainment can range so much, you can be elevated up to the highest level, or crushed all in something you have observed.

I can be taken away somewhere by a great film, or a piece of music/certain song can just change my emotions completely. As a man approaching his 33^rd birthday, I feel more emotion towards certain songs and movies now, than I ever have.

The other night, Meet Joe Black was on television. A film I must have seen ten times or more. Each and every time, there are certain scenes, where the score absolutely breaks me. The soundtrack removes me from watching the film, removes me from real life, and instead plays out emotions in my own movie in my thought process.

In the film, Death who has taken the form of a young man (Brad Pitt), who falls in love with the daughter (Claire Forlani) of the man he has asked to show and teach him about life (Anthony Hopkins). Earlier in the film, we see the young man and the daughter meet in the coffee shop, with a clear chemistry between the two. There is a clear dilemma at the goodbye. We see them both repeatedly looking over their shoulder and spinning on their heels, both wanting but reluctant to go back to the other to confront the emotions they feel. All before going their separate ways, which leads to him being hit by a car before Death takes his body. (Apologies for the spoiler, but the film is nearly twenty years old – so I am assuming you have seen it already!) 

We have all had similar dilemmas in our lives. It those crossroads moments in life. Go one way and life goes in a certain direction, go the other way and life goes completely the opposite. It is the choices we make when we encounter these crossroads, which can define the rest of our life. For me this film, this music reminds me of my crossroads in my past, which have led me to where I am now.

It perfectly captures the essence of the story that it is telling somehow. The love, the fear and the pain. We have all been in love, and we have all been bereaved. Somehow both things come to mind when I hear this. 

I think of my girlfriend. That if I hadn’t have spoken to her that day at the train station in London, my life wouldn’t be what it is now, and my beautiful son wouldn’t be here 8 years later. I think of my past loves. I think of the impact each have had on my life and the road that my life has travelled down. For example, if one of my exes hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have ended up going to university. I wouldn’t have met by best friend etc. Her action lead to my immediate reaction to remove myself from that place in my life. It was a crossroads moment.

In the same breath, that one piece of music, makes me think of the people who are no longer with us. I mostly think of both of my Grandparents. I wish they had been in my life longer. I wish they would have seen the man that I grew up to be.  My grandmothers were beautiful, hardworking, proud, determined, family women. They gave everything to raise their family and protect their loved ones.  My grandfathers worked to the bone, had great humour, kindness, generosity and were perfect gentlemen. These are the qualities I want to inherit and teach my son. The character played by Anthony Hopkins, who is tasked with showing Death life on earth,  is everything you would expect a proud family man to be. He wants to know he has done his best and that his family will be ok without him. He wants to use his crossroads to take the time to be with those around him.

I see the same qualities in Hopkins character, as I do in my own father. I know he is soon to be approaching a crossroads in terms of his treatment for his illness. He is eagerly trying to ensure that everything is sorted for the rest of us, but all we want is for him to be healthy and happy. For him to spend as many healthy and happy days with our mum. We want him to live for now, because we know how he approaches whichever road he decides to go down will have long term effects on the rest of us. 

This one piece of music and even the film itself makes me think of all of these things. However, when I sit back and really consider what that emotive music does to me, I think overall it makes me think of love and life. It makes me realise that you have to live for the day. Crossroads in life will come and go, but it is the actions of now that really count.

And like the young man says… ‘Lightning could strike’.

The piece of music I mentioned is the first 5 minutes of That Next Place composed by Thomas Newman.

Random Acts of Kindness...

Today is #RandomActsOfKindness day. 

It shouldn’t be that hard to do. Being kind should be part of our genetic make up as a human being. As children we were taught to be thoughtful and kind, however as life rolls on and we grow up, it is easier to keep our heads down and focus on our own lives, than taking literally minutes out of our day to do something kind/thoughtful for someone else.

A few months back, when I was struggling with various personal demons, I had the day from hell. You know that type of day. The type of day that we have all had in our lives. The day where everything is just shit. From the time you wake up, and continuously throughout the day – where everything that could go wrong, does go wrong. The day where every ounce of effort to get things right, is redundant, as things were destined to go wrong from the start.

My day at work had been awful. This resulted in having to stay late, which meant I upset my partner as she couldn’t clock off of mummy duties, as I would miss my son’s bed time, which pissed me off as I look forward to that 20minutes more than any other minutes in my day, where we have baby and daddy time, as I give him his formula and he settles to sleep on my chest. 

The tube ride from the office was horrific. Packed on like sardines, with the typical disgust and loathing that us London commuters seem to have for one another. As I exited the station, it had started raining heavily. I didn’t have an umbrella. I had taken it out to fit my laptop into my bag, as I was going to have to log on again once I was home. I was literally so annoyed at the hand that I had been dealt that day.

As I walked the 100metres or so between Embankment tube station and Charing Cross over ground station, I saw a young guy, around my age, sitting on the ground, clearly homeless. It was in that split second, I realised how insignificant my problems really were. I did something that I would usually never do. There was this guy - on the cold pavement, in the rain. He didn’t have a penny to his name, no job, no home, no loved ones around him. He looked like he needed help. Instinct took over and I stopped next to him, and without realising I asked him if he had eaten today. He told me he hadn’t. I went straight over to the Tesco Express store, and spent just over a fiver on random bits. A Mars Bar, a can of Coke, a bottle of water, some crisps, a packet of tissues, a hot sausage roll and a hot steak bake.

When I approached the gentleman for the second time, with the bag of items that I had quickly picked up, the look on his face will stay with me forever. The gratitude that man gave me that instant, was one of the most moving experiences I have ever had. It was like I had given him the winning lotto numbers. I stopped to talk to him, he quickly introduced himself as Derek, he came from Northern Ireland, and had been homeless for only a few months. He told me that he would try to get into accommodation for the evening, but there would be no guarantee. He told me that he had sat in the same spot for a number of hours, and hadn’t spoken to single person all afternoon and evening. After some brief back and forth between us, I wished him well and told him I would look for him when I was next passing.

I left Derek with a completely different outlook on my achievements for the day from hell. I had done something kind for someone I hadn’t met before. It may sound silly, but it was the type of action that I knew immediately would be something that would make my mum proud. The inner child in me knew I had done a good deed. It is crazy that something can mean so much to someone. He was so thankful for my kindness, it inspired me to do more of it.

I found out that there is a whole global movement - https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ - with the aim of spreading the message of getting people to do kind things for others. Paying it forward. People doing good for someone, and that person in turn doing a good deed for the next person.

Since then, I try to do something every week for someone I do not know. It doesn’t have to involve spending money. It can be anything. Most of mine tend be chivalrous acts, holding doors, offering help with luggage, letting people on transport first, offering help where it is needed etc. It helps. If you are feeling down or low, doing something nice for someone you do not know really seems to lift you up. There is something worthwhile in helping someone else. Try it in your own life. Do something for someone that you generally wouldnt usually do. There are lots of things online to help you find inspiration should you be struggling. It has certainly helped me.

This morning for example, at the tube station platform, I saw a lady who had clearly been taken ill and had vomited. People were walking around her, instead of offering her some help. I gave her the packet of tissues from my bag, and asked if she needed help to leave the station. I sat and spoke with her until she told me she was feeling a bit better. She informed me that she was concerned she was going to pass out before I spoke to her. I hope she felt better, but I felt better for trying to help.

Buzzfeed posted a great article for 101 easy ideas for Random Acts of Kindness.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/101-easy-ideas-for-random-acts-of-kindness#.rbpZD9NZ

Some of my favourites:

• Tweet or Facebook message a genuine compliment to three people right now.
• Smile at someone on the street, just because.
• Stop to talk to a homeless person.
• Remind yourself that everyone is fighting their own struggles.
• Help someone struggling with heavy bags.
• Call your mom.
• Join the organ donor register
• Give blood.

I remember years ago when I was at University, I saw a man pay for an elderly ladies shopping in the supermarket. I automatically thought he was a hero for doing that. It isn’t until now, that I realise there may have been something underlying his reason for doing it. Either way, it was a great gesture of kindness.

A friend of mine volunteers his Saturday morning’s, to sit with an elderly lady in a local nursing home, and write her letters to her friends and family across the world for her, as she can no longer do it. She dictates, recalling stories and memories. He listens, observes, writes her letters, and offers her something that other people take for granted. Kindness.

Give it a try, do something kind for someone you don’t know.