It's a f**cked up world that we live in...

Yesterday I asked myself and colleagues around me a question – are we, as the social media generation, desensitised from shocking and gratuitous violence?  I think as a majority, we probably are. Well I certainly am. And in my opinion that is down to the way coverage is shared via social media.

I have various forms of social media, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram. Each serves its own purpose. When I learnt of the shooting of Alton Sterling, I logged into my Twitter account. With literally a few keyboard strokes, I saw video footage of two murders on my Twitter feed. It saddened me, but I certainly wasn’t shocked and moved to a new level of emotion that I probably should have been. And I blame that, not on movies and video games. But the sharing of REAL time news on social media.

The two separate videos were the murders of two black men by US police officers. I used the term murder as in my opinion that is what it was. No doubt about it in my mind. No other term is required or can be justified. The officers that killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile murdered them. 

The police officers seemed to be a fit of rage and hysteria in the aftermath of pulling that trigger. It was almost as if the gun in their hand and uniform on their body gave them a sense of power that they were invincible, and as soon as the sound of the bullets leaving the chamber stopped ringing in their ears, they snapped into an understanding of what would happen to them from now on. 

Their lives will be turned upside down and those of their families. The split second it took to murder those men will impact those around them forever. But that is nothing in comparison for those who lost someone in that action. Children will never have their daddy back, and that is unacceptable. The US police needs to seriously review the types of people they are hiring, as they are engaging their firearms before engaging their brains. 

This morning I woke and the top trend on Twitter was #Dallas. When you see a place name trending, you know something bad has happened. And it has. In what appears to have been an organised revenge attack on police officers, resulting in eleven officers shot, five killed, and an unconfirmed number of members of the public have been shot at a #BlackLivesMatter protest in the city. Once again, events have been captured on film, and shared online. In one video which has been shared virally, we have seen the execution of one officer, who was killed doing his job. And again I wasn’t shocked. The cold hearted execution of a police officer doing his job should have moved me. But we have seen it before. 

But yesterday isn’t the first time that we have witnessed such atrocities, and certainly won’t be the last. But in recent times, I have learnt about these incidents via Twitter and Facebook. In the past weeks we have seen the mass murder in the Orlando nightclub, and although mass footage didn’t come out, individual messages and heartbreak were shared internationally on social media.

In August last year, videos flooded social media of the murders of news reporter Alison Parker and cameraman Adam Ward. These videos had been filmed and released by the killer himself. The videos were shared instantly and spread like wild fire globally. They became viral. Millions of people saw the horrified look on Alison Parker's face as she literally stared down the barrel of a gun. Whether they wanted to or not. The image was shared and publisized around the world.

In yesterday’s murders, the attack in Dallas, and the murder of the news team last summer, we have witnessed someone taking human life without thought or compassion. We have seen the last moments of someone’s life, and in some videos even seen their last breath.  

And although truly heart-breaking when you think of the impact of the action upon the individuals, loved ones, families, friends, co-workers etc, we as members of the social community still share the videos on social media, with no thought of who may see it. 

Acts of violence, murder and terror attacks are part of the world we live in, but we have a duty to share the news responsibly. Social media gives everyone a voice, but in my opinion we have a responsibility about how we use that voice. There is an argument that people can share the truth on social media, the truth as it happens, compared to a filtered and censored version we may often get from the media news outlets.

We are a generation who have been brought up on violent movies, violent video games and global atrocities being shown on our screens. We are a generation who know that gratuitous violence is just a few clicks away should we want to see it. We are also a generation who have been brought up with modern cameras, smart phones, body worn cameras and live streaming. When something shocking happens, you will often see a crowd of people with their phones out filming the activity. The ability to film what is actually happening is there to prove the actions that are occurring,  which has never been more evident than in the murder of Philando Castille, who’s partner filmed and broadcasted live on Facebook the aftermath of the Police officer opening fire on him after he reached for his driving licence. In that ten minute Facebook live video, we saw the moment he passed away and her remarkable calmness and willingness to comply with the officer, as the officer seemed to become hysterical. 

Desensitization to a subject suggests a lower level of emotion in response to something you have witnessed. 

I would describe myself as an emotive and passionate person, yet with all of the things I have seen recently, with the additions of coverage of huge events over the years such as: 7/7, 9/11, Sandy Hook, Columbine, and not to mention the countless violent or abusive videos random Facebook friends have liked or shared, I would certainly say that I view things with a lower level of emotion towards them, compared to how I would have felt in days before social media. I am sure I am not alone in feeling that way. 

I seem to be tweeting the same thing quite often now days : "Its a fucked up world we live in."

My thoughts and condolences go out to the families of all of the people who have lost their lives in recent events. RIP.

Fear Vs Freedom...

Today started like any other day. I got ready for work in a daze, told them I loved them and then kissed my girlfriend and baby boy goodbye; took the bus to the train station, and stood packed in the train carriage for my 35minute commute into central London. I then walked to the tube station, and waited for my tube to take me to the office.

The tube was busier than usual. Standing room only for my entire journey. People from all over the world, of all shapes and sizes, genders and ages. No hierarchy. Just people on the way to work.
 People keep themselves to themselves on the tube. No eye contact. No communication. It’s rare for people to even acknowledge one another. All consumed by our iPods, smart phones, tablets, newspapers and magazine.

However today, my senses were heightened once again, due to the breaking news coming out of Brussels, which I was alerted to via social media.

I looked around me at my fellow commuters, and there seemed to be more people looking up from their smarts phones, and looking around today. I caught eye contact with more people than normal. People like me must have been alerted by the news, and started scanning the tube to check out the people around them. We acknowledged each other, with the understanding of why we were looking around.

Brussels Attack

Since the 7/7 attacks, our sense of vigilance as Londoners is always quite high, we have suffered before and unfortunately it does seem that it is only a matter of time before we suffer again. The breaking news from Brussels, shows how our security is always at risk. An explosion at a metro station, as well as in a public area of an airport, shows that our safety in the western world is always under threat.

As people, we need to be ready and prepared for anything which may potentially happen. Of course, as members of the public, we do not have the Hollywood movie capabilities to bring down the terrorists, but what we do have is the capabilities to help those people who are out to stop the risks. We need to be aware of people around us and should the worst happen, we need to stay as calm as possible in order to help with the evacuation and subsequent operation by emergency services.

Back in November, in Paris, the suicide bombers attacked people doing everyday things. Eating in restaurants, attending a concert, watching the football. In Brussels, it appears they have attacked commuters. It is clear that our western way of life is now the way that the terrorists will attack. We are a soft target, and there is a limit to what the security services can do. 

The Facebook Safety Check App

The clear concern, is that we have no idea how many of these terrorists are now in Europe. I fear that we are being naïve to the fact for how many people want to attack our way of life. Additionally, that the security services have no idea of how many and who these people are. They are hiding in plain sight. Security in London is always monitored, but should something happen here, how would we react?

People - probably on their way to work, have died today, because terrorists wanted to make a statement and attack the west. For those poor people, today their family and friends are frantically trying to source information. When Paris was attacked, Facebook launched their Safety Check app, which allowed people to inform their networks, that they were safe. I hope this app in place for Brussels today.

We are in an age where the 24hour rolling news channels do not help but increase the fear and anxiety amongst the public. The coverage and intimacy that these events are now covered, really aid the terrorists in spreading the fear. But as much as I agree that people need to know what was happening, but my opinion is that there should be some limitations. 

But we can’t let the fear of something which may potentially happen, stop us from having our freedom to do the things that we do on a daily basis. If we stop doing what we need to do, then the terrorists win.

People will no doubt start to post online, why are are covering this attack more than attacks in other part of the world? Why did we change our Facebook profile pics to have the French flag on them, to show solidarity with the people of Paris, when we didn’t for the attacks in Turkey or the Ivory Coast? I think this literally comes down to how close Paris and Brussels are to London. Simple as that. We can relate more to those cities. However my thoughts go out to innocent people around the world who get caught up in these atrocities. 

   

I am not political, but i cant help but think this will effect votes in the EU referendum later this summer, where Britain will decide whether to stay or leave the EU. I hate that we live in these times. I hate that my son will inherit the world with such hatred and fear.

But  we cannot let the terrorists win. Live  your life. Do not let the fear effect your freedom. 

RIP to those who have lost their lives today.

Read All About It...

A few months back, I couldn’t seem to break away from feeling down in the dumps. For a good month or two, I was feeling really quite low and what some would describe as depressed. I was beating myself up mentally. If I tried to list what was making me feeling down, I could have easily reeled off ten things without stopping for breath. Of these issues, many were things that I have absolutely no control over. 

I thought I was failing as a man, failing as a parent & failing as a partner. I felt as if I should be doing far better in everything than I am doing.  I couldn’t pin point one thing which was getting me down. Instead it was just anything and everything. I was waking up and just knowing that the day ahead was going to be a shit day. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I needed to get myself out of the mind-set that was starting to take hold.

Watch the Documentary here

At the same time, I saw a documentary on BBC Three – Professor Green: Suicide and Me. I watched attentively as we saw the rapper - Pro Green (real name Stephen Manderson) open up and show us an extremely private, emotional side to him, which as a fan, showed just how he managed to write some of the extremely moving lyrics to many of his tracks. 

Read All About It featuring Emeli Sande is his biggest hit to date. I cant listen to that song without thinking of the real reason behind it, and relating that story to my own life. It is weird how music and certain songs can immediately put you into a certain mind state. Emeli Sande's solo version of the song was picked up by the 2012 London Olympics and was performed at the closing ceremony. But many of the Olympic fans probably didn’t know the real inspiration behind the song being written initially was Manderson’s father committing suicide.

The documentary showed the rapper dealing with the pain that his father’s passing had on him and his family members. It made me think more and more about the pain in my own family. It is not something that we feel comfortable talking about. As I have got older, I have related further to my late uncle and wondered what went through his mind in the lead up to taking his own life aged 41.

Manderson met with the charity CALM, who I had first heard of listening to the Tottenham football podcast ‘The Fighting Cock’. It emphasized the great job that they are doing.

In the coming days, I decided that in order to get myself out of my current slump, I needed a way get back to normal. A way to better express my emotions. Although I was reluctant to label myself as anything else than feeling down, I pondered if this could be the start of a longer running issue with depression. I was tempted to use the anonymous chat service that CALM offer. Instead I decided to write my something down. I didn’t know what I would write. So I decided to tell my story. My own version of the documentary I had seen.

That led me to what became my first blog post. Forever In Our Hearts.

I felt good to write something down. I had always enjoyed writing as a kid. I then decided that perhaps this could be my way out. This could be the release I needed. I decided to share this with the editor of the CALM website, as they stated they were looking writers. Days passed, and I didn’t hear anything. I assumed it wasn’t something they were interested in. I am not even sure why I submitted it to them. I wasn’t looking for attention. I wasn’t looking to achieve anything. I just wanted someone to hear the story. There was a definite release in writing something down.

My story: Forever In Our Hearts - on the homepage of CALM's website.

I decided that if there was a subject that I wasn’t able to discuss with those around me, I would write about it. So I made a blog. I was able to create every aspect, and design it exactly how I wanted. I decided it would be solely for those who follow me on twitter. I wasn’t going to share it with family or friends on my Facebook page. 

My story on the CALM Facebook page

On Tuesday, my story went live on the CALM website, and yesterday they placed it onto their Facebook page. It was surreal seeing my story on the main page of a charity so established in their field. It made me feel proud that the story I wanted to tell could be shared with people who have been through the same thing, or show people who are in a dark place that their potential actions will have a knock on effect in ways that they cannot even imagine. 

 I wasn’t able to press the like button on Facebook, as my contacts would see my activity. My immediate friends and family haven’t seen my writing, and I do not know how my mum and dad in particular, would react to what I have written.

My blog is now on its way to 1000 hits, which is completely overwhelming. I am in a far better place mentally, and I although I have dark days, for the most part I am feeling good. I think a large part of that is down to enjoying writing again.

Lyrics from 'Read All About It'
 

Dear dad,
As a kid I looked up to you,
Only thing was I never saw enough of you.
The last thing I said to you was I hated you,
I loved you and now it's too late to say to you.

Just didn't know what to do or how to deal with it,
Even now deep down I'm still livid.
To think, I used to blame me,
I wondered what I did to you to make you hate me.
I wasn't even 5, life's a journey and mine wasn't an easy ride,
You never even got to see me rhyme,
I just wished you would have reached out
I wish you would've been round when I'd been down.
I wish that you could see me now,
Wherever you are I really hope you found peace.
But know that if I ever have kids,

Ill never let them be without me.

 

If you or anyone you know is feeling low, there are people they can talk to. CALM are there 365 days a year. https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/