Happy Retirement Day Dad!

Today marks a monumental day for my family. 

After 35 plus years of hard graft, manual work, long hours and torturous commutes to work, my Dad is finally retiring. And I am completely delighted and immensely proud of him as he reaches the end of his working life.

For as long as I have known, my Dad has left for work before the day breaks, and has returned after nightfall. Most days have seen him stuck in traffic for hours on the horrific M25 motorway, travelling to film studios located on the other side of London. Often throughout our childhood, Dad would get a job which resulted in many weeks and months working abroad. Ireland, Turkey, Russia, Kenya, Tenerife to name just a few locations. Dad sacrificed spending time with us in order to bring home as much as he could, to provide a great life for my mum, my sister and I.

As a father myself, I understand the sacrifice. He could have had an easy life and worked the 9-5, but he wanted more for us. And I am eternally grateful. As I mentioned in a post from a few months back, A Letter To My Dad we have wanted him to slow down for some time.

When people have asked over the years, what my Dad does for work, my response was always that he worked in Films and Television. This would usually lead to the person I am talking to thinking that it was a very glamorous role. But Dad’s part in the industry certainly wasn’t the glitz and glamour others assume it to be. A carpenter by trade, my Dad has been a Construction Manager on many huge film and tv blockbusters over the years. Often, Dad and his team are the first people to arrive to start work and are the last to leave. They are there on the project long before the cameras start rolling, and then long after to strike the set. Often they are not credited for the work they have completed on the film, and often neglected from screening invitations. At times in his career he might have felt underappreciated, but as a family, we hugely appreciate what he has done.

That is not to say that he hasn’t enjoyed his career. He will no doubt look back and smile, as he had some really good times and worked with a good group of people. He had a core group who he would hire whenever he was chosen to lead a new project. His two brothers, his best friend, and a core group of reliable guys that he could trust to get the job done to a high standard. But for him, losing his best friend to cancer last year had a real knock on effect. The enjoyment he had from his best friends company was no longer with him at work. Dad’s tiredness had started to show, but now he can look forward to the rest of his life without having to work. But there is no doubt, and knowing the man he is, he will be working non stop in and around the home, and will be looking for a short term job back in the film game in the months to come.

I hope he can use this time to relax and enjoy spending time with mum. They should go on holiday to their dream locations, do all the things which were not possible during the past 35+ years, and enjoy each other.  Enjoy their retirement years and make memories. Today is the day you stop working and start living!

A small selection of some of the movies / TV programmes that my Dad has worked on over his long career.

A Wake Up Call..

First off, I wanted to say a huge THANKS! to everyone who has taken the time to reach out to me and offer kind words. I just wanted to write a quick update to my post from earlier this month Perhaps.. Perhaps.. Perhaps..

The results are back for the mole which was excised and sent for analysis and it is good news. There is no sign of melanoma, and although there is activity within the mole, there is nothing to worry about.

It has been a long wait, and I would be lying if I wrote that I didn't have days in that period where I thought nothing but the worst, convincing myself that it was doom and gloom. But then I would receive comments, messages and tweets from people whom I have never met, who would share their story and try to keep me positive. Despite going through their own struggles, people still showed a real concern. That is truly touching, and I really appreciate each one that I received. It seems there are many other believers in Random Acts of Kindness

This year, I have had my eyes opened to the real dangers of Cancer in it's various forms. I am lucky and extremely grateful for this wake up call. My family has been through it this year, so to get the all clear so to speak, has been welcome relief. I will no longer take health and happiness for granted.

If you are concerned about your health, you are the one that needs to act upon it. Do not sit around and hope that it will go away. Do not put the niggling suspicion to the back of your mind. Make the appointment and get yourself checked out.

I know that there are hundred and thousands of people each week who do not get the good news that I have just received, and my heart goes out to all of you. Please know that you do not need to go through this alone. There are people who care. There are people who want to help you. People who will share their story to help get you out of the dark place you may find yourself in. It just takes a bit of searching online, and before you know it, you find whole online communities of people who are going through the same struggle as you.

Again, thank you to those of you who reached out. 

The End of Maternity Leave...

Today marks the last day of my partner’s maternity leave. To most people without kids, it simply means that this is the last day of her year off of work. But to her, and to other mothers like her, it is a day that they have been dreading since the baby arrived in the world.

For the past twelve months, she has been the primary care giver to our young son. She has spent every waking and many sleeping hours at his every noise, need and movement. She has nursed him, cared for him, cried for him, cried with him, been his doctor, loved him unconditionally and given him every ounce of her being. Yet for her, the hardest part of it all, is that from next Monday, the responsibility is to be shared out with other people. 

Our son will attend nursery one day per week, and will be looked after by his grandmothers for one day each. Although my partner is only back to work part time, there is a definite anxiety on her behalf, that I am sure is shared by all new mothers returning to work. I assume that it is facing up to the realisation that our son will be influenced by other people in the days, weeks and months to come, and that she will not be there for him 24/7 as she has been for the past year.

From my perspective, as a father, I can say that maternity leave has been tough. I wish I could have been around more, but only getting two weeks off of work when he was born, has meant I am used to leaving the house before dark, to return for when he is crying and ready for bed. I got used to only having time with him either as soon as I woke up for five minutes before getting ready for work, or at night time when I feed him his bottle and lay him down to sleep. Main quality time comes at the weekend. It is sad, but I have had to get used to it.  I have taken the full financial burden during this time, and wanted my partner to fully focus on our son. I was happy when my partner decide to only go back to work part time, as I wanted her to be heavily involved in our sons life. My mother didn’t work for 18 years when my sister and I were children, and in an ideal world, if it was her choice, I wouldn’t want my partner to have to work either. But unfortunately we are not in that financial position. I have not exerted any pressure to return to work, and we accept that money will continue to be tight as we move forward.

It has been tough to see her go through so many emotions during the twelve months. He has various allergies, intolerances, and since he was born it has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and my partner has handled everything in her stride. She is scared that she is losing him. But in reality is she simply sharing him, allowing him to continue to grow, develop and learn.

Our son is so curious to the world around him. He has developed into a cheeky, happy, healthy, inquisitive, funny, caring and loving little boy, who is bringing so much happiness to those around him. We are extremely blessed and fortunate. I will be forever grateful for all of the things that my partner has done during these twelve months. Truth be told, I would have been lost without her.

To my Kate,

 Thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do to looking after us all. We will get through the next few weeks, and things will seem normal again in no time. I love you, you are beautiful, and you are an amazing Mum. Your colleagues will be glad to have you back, and your clients can hear all about how amazing our baby boy is.

I know that these next few weeks will be full of anxiety, fear, and a longing to be back with our boy. I am aware that Sunday night will feel like the first day back at school multiplied by a thousand. I know that Monday will be one of the hardest days you will have had. But know that our boy will be there waiting for you when you get home from work, and he will have the biggest smile on his face when he sees you. Our son may not be our little baby for much longer, but the exciting journey as parents is in theory just beginning. Bring on the walking, talking, and toddler stages!

I do not think you know just how much I appreciate all that you have done. You are an amazing mother, and will always be. xxx

A letter to my Dad..

Dad, I wanted to write you a letter to say thank you. To tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for us, how much you have sacrificed, and just how hard you have worked to provide for us as a family. 

As long as I can remember, you have worked flat out to better our lives. You have left at the crack of dawn, returned after dark, and have done all that you can to ensure that mum, K, and I have had the best of everything in our lives. Whilst other Dads on our road would leave for their cushy 9-5 office jobs, you would have to drive 4hours per day to get to your physical hard job, often going abroad to earn that pound coin for us. At weekends you have not sat down and chilled, you have grafted to transform our home and garden more than once.

I saw a quote online that resonated, as it is very true for me. The quote said: 

"When you teach your son, you also teach your son's son"

I will teach my son things which you have taught me. He will have the same qualities and characteristics from me, that I have from you.  As years have passed and I have grown older, we have grown closer, and we have been able to speak about sensitive subjects to a degree, and I know that you will always have my best interests at heart. You have always been my biggest fan. You have always believed in me and pushed me to do better. But you let me find my own way. You have been more than a father. You have been a friend.

But lately there have been developments and subjects that aren’t that easy to talk about, and I know that these subjects scare you, even if you won’t admit it. You have received a diagnosis which must seem like a death sentence and you may have to further tests and prodding and poking by people in white coats. I know that you are loathed to go through that again, after the last time it left you with an infection that meant we could have lost you, but Dad you really need to think about it.

Consider that although these tests could bring dark clouds, it will also bring a sense of blue skies in the future. Blue skies where we as a family can make memories and share laughter. I fear that without the further investigations a storm will come over us and never leave.

I have a son of my own now, and I think that has brought us closer. The bond you have with him is amazing, and has been since he was born. There is something magical about your bond that he doesn’t have with anyone else. I want that to continue into his life as he grows. I want you to be here to experience it with him. 

Throughout my life, I have said that if I can echo what you have achieved in your life, then I would have been successful. You came from a very working class background, to have a lovely home, two happy kids, and were able to give mum the amazing gift of 18years off of work, to ensure she was always there for me and K. We had lovely holidays, K had her dream wedding. You have always been there to give us everything. If I can emulate for my own life and family, then I will have done well.

It is now your time to enjoy life. If treatment will buy you a solid few years of good health, then in my eyes it is a no brainer. Go and enjoy the world with Mum. Go for the holidays you have always wanted. Buy the car of your dreams. You have worked hard all of your life. Go and enjoy it. As you have always said, there is no point being the richest man in the cemetery. 

Please know that all you have done has been appreciated, valued and respected. You are my true inspiration. I hope my life has made you proud, and I hope you respect me as a man I have become.

If storm clouds do come our way, we will not hide away from them. We will face them head on. Together. As a family. We can not give up. We must not. We will not.

Ps - this is the hardest blog to write and harder to share. Realisation of what is going on sucks big
time. - I love you.

Thank you for reading this - whoever you are. If you can relate to this topic, please encourage your relative to open up. It is so easy for them to try to be the typical alpha male and assume this will be ok.


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