The Boy who United Football...

All around the world, footballers are loved and adored by people of all ages. They are idolised, admired and hero worshipped. Their names are printed on the back of replica kits, so that young boys and girls can imitate their heroes.

In an age, where the top players can earn millions of pounds for simply kicking a ball around, they also take on a responsibility for those that love them. One such player who took his responsibility as a role model to another level, was Jermain Defoe. At the match between Sunderland and Everton the Premier League, a young boy named Bradley Lowery met his hero – the star striker Defoe. That moment, Defoe went further than most footballers meeting mascots. The footballer and the young fan made a friendship which united football fans and people in general, with the love which was clearly apparent between the pair.  

Bradley had been fighting a battle with a form of cancer named Neuroblastoma since he was 18months old. Having beaten the disease once, he was in remission for a number of years before it returned in 2016. His family battled and campaigned to raise vital funds to send him to the US for life saving treatment, but they were given the heart-breaking news that his illness was terminal. So the family vowed to continue to fundraise, and make a foundation in Bradley’s name, to help with the fight for other families affected. Part of the fundraising campaign included Bradley becoming a match day mascot at his beloved Sunderland football club, where he would meet his favourite player Jermain Defoe.

Bradley led the team out on multiple occasions, always holding Defoe’s hand. At times when he was clearly feeling weak, Defoe would carry the little boy in his arms. In the match against Chelsea, he was photographed with the team, and scored a goal which won the ‘Goal of the Month’ competition on the iconic show ‘Match of The Day’. Sunderland players visited Bradley in hospital, with one instance the little boy falling asleep cuddling his hero in bed. Other football clubs and fans offered their support, with Everton donating £200k to the fund to fight for his life, and he was a mascot for them in their match against Manchester City, wearing a Sunderland shirt with ‘Thank You Everton’ on the back.

Coinciding with Defoe’s recall to the England national side, the Football Association invited Bradley be a mascot for the national side. Captain Joe Hart stepped aside and invited Defoe and Bradley to lead the team out at Wembley Stadium. During this time, some beautifully poignant photographs were taken, of Bradley shielding his ears from the noise of the 90,000 crowd singing the national anthem, and turning to hug Defoe. Defoe states that this was a huge honour, and something which was truly special for him in his football career.

After the news broke that Bradley wouldn’t be able to win this fight, Defoe attended his birthday party, and continued to give love and support to the boy and his family, and continued his hospital visits.  

As a father, the story continues to choke me up. To see the love that was genuinely shared between the two is humbling. The way that Bradley looked at Jermain; it was a form of escapism for him. I wonder if Defoe will ever truly know the effect that his love, time, generosity and friendship had on Bradley and his family. Bradley pulled on the heartstrings of the nation. His smile was infectious, and the photos and videos that appeared of him in the football environment, showed a boy who for those moments forgot his was deeply ill. He was able to be the star for a short time, removed from the days spent in hospital. Defoe often said he felt the matches were more special knowing Bradley was in attendance. I am sure for Bradleys family, any time Jermain was able to give to Bradley, was every so more special seeing their little boy's eyes light up once again. Any parent would do anything to take away the pain, and for those moments, I am sure Defoe was able to do that for them, and help their son. It truly brings tears to your eyes to listen to the way Defoe spoke about the friendship. It was real. It wasn't because the PR team at the club told him to do so. It was raw love, raw emotion, raw human instinct in wanting to love and help someone.

Bradley sadly died on July 7^th, surrounded by his loving family. Social media accounts of footballers and football clubs offered their condolences and best wishes to the family. After Bradley passed away, Defoe tweeted: “Goodbye my friend, gonna miss you lots. I feel so blessed God brought you into my life and had some amazing moments with you and for that I'm so grateful.  I'll never ever forget the way you looked at me for the first time, the genuine love in those cute eyes. Really finding it hard to express what you mean to me.”

Thousands of mourners lined the route to his funeral, where attendees including Defoe, wore football shirts, with his name on the back, with a message on social media that Football Had No Colours, meaning the football world would come together to remember this brave little boy. His favourite superheroes were in attendance, and balloons were released to the sky.

Although there are hundreds and thousands of gravely ill children around the country who do not get the level of attention that Bradley received, Bradley was able to raise awareness for many of them. His legacy will inspire many people and his foundation has raised hundreds of thousands of pounds, which will go into helping those families. Events are being hosted in his honour, including a celebrity football match at Everton’s Goodison Park ground. Additionally Sunderland donated a corporate box for each match to a family who are going through these struggles, so that the ill child can have this great experience.

To make a contribution visit www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/bradleylowerysfight

In a time where astronomical figures are being spent for footballers, with their earnings and responsibilities in the spotlight, when compared with more everyday life hero's such as those in the Emergency services, it is great to see the human side of the sport. 

Such love, such compassion, such emotion, such support.

RIP Bradley. 

You touched the nation with your strength and your smile. You united football fans throughout the country. My thoughts and deepest sympathies are with your family, friends and your 'best mate' Jermain Defoe, the hero who showed us his human side.

A Wake Up Call..

First off, I wanted to say a huge THANKS! to everyone who has taken the time to reach out to me and offer kind words. I just wanted to write a quick update to my post from earlier this month Perhaps.. Perhaps.. Perhaps..

The results are back for the mole which was excised and sent for analysis and it is good news. There is no sign of melanoma, and although there is activity within the mole, there is nothing to worry about.

It has been a long wait, and I would be lying if I wrote that I didn't have days in that period where I thought nothing but the worst, convincing myself that it was doom and gloom. But then I would receive comments, messages and tweets from people whom I have never met, who would share their story and try to keep me positive. Despite going through their own struggles, people still showed a real concern. That is truly touching, and I really appreciate each one that I received. It seems there are many other believers in Random Acts of Kindness

This year, I have had my eyes opened to the real dangers of Cancer in it's various forms. I am lucky and extremely grateful for this wake up call. My family has been through it this year, so to get the all clear so to speak, has been welcome relief. I will no longer take health and happiness for granted.

If you are concerned about your health, you are the one that needs to act upon it. Do not sit around and hope that it will go away. Do not put the niggling suspicion to the back of your mind. Make the appointment and get yourself checked out.

I know that there are hundred and thousands of people each week who do not get the good news that I have just received, and my heart goes out to all of you. Please know that you do not need to go through this alone. There are people who care. There are people who want to help you. People who will share their story to help get you out of the dark place you may find yourself in. It just takes a bit of searching online, and before you know it, you find whole online communities of people who are going through the same struggle as you.

Again, thank you to those of you who reached out. 

Perhaps.. Perhaps.. Perhaps..

Do you believe in signs from above?

Religious people would call them signs from God, other people refer to them as signs from angels, friends/ relatives who have passed away, whereas other people may just call it coincidence.

In the past few months, I would like to think that if there is a higher power, then he has sent me a sign. Or if it is a relative who has passed away, then they have reached out to warn me about something. But then again, it could just be coincidence.

I had noticed a new mole type lesion appear on my jaw line, which was proving to be a real irritation. It would become swollen and itchy, and doubled in size quite quickly. This led me to seek out expert advice, so I visited The Mole Clinic, just off of London’s Oxford Street. 

http://www.themoleclinic.co.uk 

I had visited them years ago, when I was having a holiday at home (I was living in the Middle East at the time) and I was concerned that the increased sun exposure has caused me to gain many more moles. That on top of being a habitual tanning bed user from my late teens to mid-twenties, I knew deep down that I could be at risk of something nasty down the line.

Upon the investigation, I was informed that the mole on my Jaw line, was in fact nothing to worry about, and was in fact something named Seborrheic Keratoses. Completely harmless with no treatment required, unless you want to remove it for cosmetic reasons. The mole expert continued with the full body mole check, (it took a while, I must have easily over 250+ on my person), and two moles were flagged as needed further attention. One on my right leg, and one to the left hand side of my mid back. 

I always knew that this would be likely, as I have said, I am really ‘molely’. 

I was instructed to see a Dermatologist, and luckily, through being part of the Private Healthcare scheme with my employer, I was referred to a specialist at a private hospital quickly. By chance (or by divine intervention) I was actually referred to the same Dermatologist who I had seen when I was a depressed spotty teenager some 19 years earlier. I had always liked him as a kid. He saw my acne as a real problem, and not just something that all kids go through. He saw how it affected me, and made the right choices to get the correct solution. This pre-existing relationship certainly helped me feel that I was in safe hands. He quickly inspected the moles, and laid to rest any issue over my mole on the right leg that had raised concern. However the mole on back would need to be excised and sent for testing. 

He went on to explain that he although he cannot be 100% sure, he is confident that the mole may not prove to be anything suspect. But flagged that there were some definite anomalies in the mole, which will need to be examined. An appointment was made, and I was to return to have a minor operation, to remove the troublesome mole.

I left the appointment knowing the following: Best case scenario – this is a harmless mole, but just different from the others on my body. Worst case - it could be skin cancer. That is the fact of it.

I had the mole removed last Tuesday (23/2) under local anaesthetic, and had internal and external stitches to close the hole. It is sore  and I will have a scar a few inches long. But that is not a problem. The tough part has been waiting for the results. I was told it would be 10days. That should be this Friday if the lab work at the weekend, if not, the wait will go into next week. 

It is a weird emotion, the anxiety you feel waiting for a phone call that will tell you that you have or do not have cancer. It is hard to get your head around. You obviously have to go on as if nothing is wrong, go to work as usual, play with your son as usual, and reassure your Mrs that you are fine, that you are only thinking positively, and that everything will be ok. It’s hard to tell your parents that you are confident it will be fine, despite the fact that your Dad is sitting opposite you, at the early stages of a fight against cancer of his own. Its tough, with your Mum looking at you with concern in her eyes, no doubt reminding herself of all the times she told you – “Make sure you put your sun cream on”, and the times she told “I wished you didn’t use those tanning beds you don’t need a tan to look good”.

The funny thing about all of this shit news, is that the Seborrheic Keratoses that first made me go to the Mole Clinic, has completely disappeared. It is as if it was planted right on my face, so that I couldn’t miss it. That I had to go to get it checked out. And once I had done so, it disappeared as quickly as it formed. 

Perhaps it was God, as a way of telling me to keep going to church. I had only really started attending regularly since we decided to baptise my son, but I had felt myself really enjoying it. I felt that I was taking something from each Sunday’s mass, and I was trying to make myself a better human. Treating people better. Perhaps this was his way of rewarding my new found interest?

Then again, perhaps it was Uncle Charlie who I have mentioned in my first blog post Forever In Our Hearts. Perhaps this was his way of thanking me for naming my son after him, and to tell me I need to look after myself, and to see someone who could help me.

Or perhaps it was simply a Seborrheic Keratoses that formed which was always going to form and fall off with time. It was always going to grow on my jawline and disappear. Perhaps it was always going to do that. 

Regardless of what it was, it has lead me to where I am now. Anxious, concerned, nervous, but ultimately in a better position than if I had just left it. Upon immediate panic, i turned to Google and to Social media. Luckily I have found two great sources of information in the forms of  a blog http://www.melanomarollercoaster.co.uk/ and http://www.melanomauk.org.uk/

I will update when I get my call from the Dermatologist. If it is bad news, then this blog will take a different turn, and I will document the stages that I am going through, so that it can hopefully help someone else down. If it is good news, then it has been a real wake up call.

If you have any doubts about your own health, you need to do something about it. You simply cannot afford to leave it. If it is weighing on your mind, then it is enough of a concern that needs to be investigated. Only you can help yourself at the end of the day.

Unless you believe in signs from above that is! 

A letter to my Dad..

Dad, I wanted to write you a letter to say thank you. To tell you how much I appreciate all that you have done for us, how much you have sacrificed, and just how hard you have worked to provide for us as a family. 

As long as I can remember, you have worked flat out to better our lives. You have left at the crack of dawn, returned after dark, and have done all that you can to ensure that mum, K, and I have had the best of everything in our lives. Whilst other Dads on our road would leave for their cushy 9-5 office jobs, you would have to drive 4hours per day to get to your physical hard job, often going abroad to earn that pound coin for us. At weekends you have not sat down and chilled, you have grafted to transform our home and garden more than once.

I saw a quote online that resonated, as it is very true for me. The quote said: 

"When you teach your son, you also teach your son's son"

I will teach my son things which you have taught me. He will have the same qualities and characteristics from me, that I have from you.  As years have passed and I have grown older, we have grown closer, and we have been able to speak about sensitive subjects to a degree, and I know that you will always have my best interests at heart. You have always been my biggest fan. You have always believed in me and pushed me to do better. But you let me find my own way. You have been more than a father. You have been a friend.

But lately there have been developments and subjects that aren’t that easy to talk about, and I know that these subjects scare you, even if you won’t admit it. You have received a diagnosis which must seem like a death sentence and you may have to further tests and prodding and poking by people in white coats. I know that you are loathed to go through that again, after the last time it left you with an infection that meant we could have lost you, but Dad you really need to think about it.

Consider that although these tests could bring dark clouds, it will also bring a sense of blue skies in the future. Blue skies where we as a family can make memories and share laughter. I fear that without the further investigations a storm will come over us and never leave.

I have a son of my own now, and I think that has brought us closer. The bond you have with him is amazing, and has been since he was born. There is something magical about your bond that he doesn’t have with anyone else. I want that to continue into his life as he grows. I want you to be here to experience it with him. 

Throughout my life, I have said that if I can echo what you have achieved in your life, then I would have been successful. You came from a very working class background, to have a lovely home, two happy kids, and were able to give mum the amazing gift of 18years off of work, to ensure she was always there for me and K. We had lovely holidays, K had her dream wedding. You have always been there to give us everything. If I can emulate for my own life and family, then I will have done well.

It is now your time to enjoy life. If treatment will buy you a solid few years of good health, then in my eyes it is a no brainer. Go and enjoy the world with Mum. Go for the holidays you have always wanted. Buy the car of your dreams. You have worked hard all of your life. Go and enjoy it. As you have always said, there is no point being the richest man in the cemetery. 

Please know that all you have done has been appreciated, valued and respected. You are my true inspiration. I hope my life has made you proud, and I hope you respect me as a man I have become.

If storm clouds do come our way, we will not hide away from them. We will face them head on. Together. As a family. We can not give up. We must not. We will not.

Ps - this is the hardest blog to write and harder to share. Realisation of what is going on sucks big
time. - I love you.

Thank you for reading this - whoever you are. If you can relate to this topic, please encourage your relative to open up. It is so easy for them to try to be the typical alpha male and assume this will be ok.


Please donate to the Men United appeal by http://prostatecanceruk.org/ and if you are in the UK, show your support by purchasing a Badge from your local Marks & Spencer store for just £1.